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And this submittal from good friend Bill Miller! To my friends who enjoy a glass of wine and those who don't: As Ben Franklin said: In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. coli) - bacteria found in feces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop. However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor for that matter) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting. Remember: Water = Poop, Wine = Health! Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of shit. There is no need to thank me for this valuable information! I don't know about you, but I'm now pouring myself another glass of Cab!

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The sour economy isn't the only reason to start walking more instead of driving: Walking can add minutes to your life. This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $7000 per month. My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60. Now he's 97 years old and we don't know where he is. I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. The only reason I would take up walking is so that I could hear heavy breathing again. I have to walk early in the morning, before my brain figures out what I'm doing. I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks, and haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to go there. Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise', I wash my mouth out with chocolate. I do have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them. The advantage of exercising every day is so when you die, they'll say, 'Well, she looks good doesn't she.' If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country. I know I got a lot of exercise the last few years, just getting over the hill. We all get heavier as we get older, because there's a lot more information in our heads. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.(THIS IS MY FAVORITE!!!) AND Every time I start thinking too much about how I look, I just find a Happy Hour and by the time I leave, I look just fine. You could walk this over to your friends, but just e-mail it to them!

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These are actually pieces of Flair from the Facebook site and are a few of my favorites: Taste the rainbow, eat crayons -- Wine a little, you will feel better -- Cherish yesterday, live today, dream tomorrow -- In my world, everyone's a pony and they all eat rainbows and poop butterflies -- Girls who like football are sexy!

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I may have already posted this sometime back, but heck, even if I did, it is still great! Besides, I'm over 50 and I've had a stroke. Take it easy on me if I did! Will Rogers, who died in a plane crash with Wylie Post in 1935, was probably the greatest political sage this country has ever known. Enjoy the following: 1. Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco. 2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day. 3. There are 2 theories to arguing with a woman...neither works. 4. Never miss a good chance to shut up. 5. Always drink upstream from the herd. 6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging. 7. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back in your pocket. 8. There are three kinds of men: The ones that learn by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves. 9. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment. 10. If you're riding' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there. 11. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back. 12. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut. ABOUT GROWING OLDER... First ~ Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it. Second ~ The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for. Third ~ Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know 'why' I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved. Fourth ~ When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra. Fifth ~ You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks. Sixth ~ I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top. Seventh ~ One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young. Eighth ~ One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been. Ninth ~ Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable. Tenth ~ Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today it's called golf. And finally ~ If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you are old.

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The value of beer as explained by Cliff Clavin, of the 'hit' TV show, Cheers. One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm. Here's how it went: "Well ya see, Norm, it's like this. A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers." Gotta love American TV!

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“There is no man living who isn’t capable of doing more than he thinks he can do” --Henry Ford

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SPRING QUOTE! . . . “The splendor of the rose and the whitness of the lily do not rob the little violet of it’s scent nor the daisy of its simple charm. If every tiny flower wanted to be a rose, spring would lose its lovliness.” Therese of Lisieux

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"Wisdom is what's left after we've run out of personal opinions" - Cullen Hightower . . . . . . And readers, I guess I'm short on wisdom 'cause man, I still got lots of personal opinions to share with you. LAFF!

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Right on, Andy Rooney! Andy Rooney said on '60 Minutes' a few weeks back: "I don't think being a minority makes you a victim of anything except numbers. The only things I can think of that are truly discriminatory are things like the United Negro College Fund, Jet Magazine, Black Entertainment Television, and Miss Black America. Try to have things like the United Caucasian College Fund, Cloud Magazine, White Entertainment Television, or Miss White America; and see what happens...Jesse Jackson will be knocking down your door. Guns do not make you a killer. I think killing makes you a killer. You can kill someone with a baseball bat or a car, but no one is trying to ban you from driving to the ball game. I believe they are called the Boy Scouts for a reason, which is why there are no girls allowed. Girls belong in the Girl Scouts! ARE YOU LISTENING MARTHA BURKE? I think that if you feel homosexuality is wrong, it is not a phobia, it is an opinion. I have the right 'NOT' to be tolerant of others because they are different, weird, or tick me off. When 70% of the people who get arrested are black, in cities where 70% of the population is black, that is not racial profiling; it is the Law of Probability. I believe that if you are selling me a milkshake, a pack of cigarettes, a newspaper or a hotel room, you must do it in English! As a matter of fact, if you want to be an American citizen, you should have to speak English! My father and grandfather didn't die in vain so you can leave the countries you were born in to come over and disrespect ours. I think the police should have every right to shoot you if you threaten them after they tell you to stop. If you can't understand the word 'freeze' or 'stop' in English, see the above lines. I don't think just because you were not born in this country, you are qualified for any special loan programs, government sponsored bank loans or tax breaks, etc., so you can open a hotel, coffee shop, trinket store, or any other business We did not go to the aid of certain foreign countries and risk our lives in wars to defend their freedoms, so that decades later they could come over here and tell us our constitution is a living document; and open to their interpretations. I don't hate the rich I don't pity the poor I know pro wrestling is fake, but so are movies and television. That doesn't stop you from watching them. I think Bill Gates has every right to keep every penny he made and continue to make more. If it ticks you off, go and invent the next operating system that's better, and put your name on the building. It doesn't take a whole village to raise a child right, but it does take a parent to stand up to the kid; and smack their little behinds when necessary, and say 'NO!' I think tattoos and piercing are fine if you want them, but please don't pretend they are a political statement. And, please, stay home until that new lip ring heals. I don't want to look at your ugly infected mouth as you serve me French fries! I am sick of 'Political Correctness.' I know a lot of black people, and not a single one of them was born in Africa; so how can they be 'African-Americans'? Besides, Africa is a continent. I don't go around saying I am a European-American because my great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather was from Europe. I am proud to be from America and nowhere else And if you don't like my point of view, tough... I PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE TO THE FLAG, OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, AND TO THE REPUBLIC, FOR WHICH IT STANDS, ONE NATION UNDER GOD, INDIVISIBLE, WITH LIBERTY AND JUSTICE FOR ALL! And what about CANADIANS-We feel the same. Bravo for the Canadians too!!! I was asked to send this on if I agree or delete if I don't. It is said that 86% of Americans believe in God. Therefore I have a very hard time understanding why there is such a problem in having 'In God We Trust' on our money and having 'God' in the Pledge of Allegiance. Why don't we just tell the 14% to BE QUIET!!!" Contributed by Gerry Adolfson

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"Seriously, if they want to stop illegal immigration it's very simple: All they have to do is penalize the rich people who hire illegal immigrants. They're not working for other poor people; they're working for rich people." Charles Barkley, former NBA player

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VALENTINE DAY Quotes for someone special! Oh, if it be to choose and call thee mine, love, thou art every day my Valentine! ~Thomas Hood . . . . When love is not madness, it is not love. ~Pedro Calderon de la Barca . . . . Loving is not just looking at each other, it's looking in the same direction. ~Antoine de Saint-Exupéry . . . . Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love. ~Albert Einstein . . . . I don't understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine's Day. When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon. ~Author Unknown . . . . For you see, each day I love you more today more than yesterday and less than tomorrow. ~Rosemonde Gerard . . . . Love is a symbol of eternity. It wipes out all sense of time, destroying all memory of a beginning and all fear of an end. ~Author Unknown . . . . Love - a wildly misunderstood although highly desirable malfunction of the heart which weakens the brain, causes eyes to sparkle, cheeks to glow, blood pressure to rise and the lips to pucker. ~Author Unknown

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“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit” Aristotle Compliments of the United Texas - Market Street web site!

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NEW YEAR’S QUOTES! A good friend will come and bail you out of jail . . . but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, “Damn, that was fun!” Bumper sticker of the year for 2007 – “If you can read this, thank a teacher . . . and since it’s in English, thank a soldier.” Why is it that most nudists are people you don’t want to see naked?

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AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES 1. If you are choking on an ice cube simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat. Presto! The blockage will instantly remove itself. 2. Avoid cutting yourself slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold while you chop. 3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by using the shower. 4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer. 5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button. 6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough. 7. You only need two tools in life - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape. 8. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them. Daily Thought: SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES. NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS. Compliments of friend Jeff Scholz, Portland, OR.

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A a few more quotes from Larry, the Cable Guy! . . . . . >Remember, half the people you know are below average > He who laughs last, thinks slowest > When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane > What happens if you get scared half to death, twice? > Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak!

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Feng Shui - Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk. Furnished by friend Earl McMillin, Camas, WA.

Quote for the day!

Last night Donna, Wade & I played in the weekly cribbage tournament in Dallas, the Lone Star grass-roots club of the American Cribbage Congress. We played last year, but took most of the summer off. We didn’t place in the money last night, but Wade and I did win a couple of the pool pots. Donna had a big pot until the last game and lost it. Brock, our club leader was wearing a new T-Shirt that had the following quote on it. Too perfect not to use for today’s ‘quote of the day’! “Work is for those people who don’t play cribbage”!

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Will Rogers, who died in a plane crash with Wylie Post in 1935, was probably the greatest political sage this country has ever known. Enjoy the following: (1) Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco (2) Never kick a cow chip on a hot day. (3) There are 2 theories to arguing with a woman...neither works. (4) Never miss a good chance to shut up. (5) Always drink upstream from the herd. (6) If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging. (7) The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back in your pocket. (8) There are three kinds of men: The ones that learn by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves. (9) Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment. (10) If you're riding' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there. (11) Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back. (12) After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut. Furnished by good friend Bob Gerber, Allen, TX. & Stone Lake, WI.

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"In the 60s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal". Author Unknown - submitted by Ron Rucker, Vancouver, WA.

WYOMING QUOTE!

Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road." I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 combines that are driven only 3 times a year! Compliments of Barney Cosner, Lincoln, NE. formally of Douglas, WY.