Tid-Bits!

PERSPECTIVE! . . . One day, the father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country with the express purpose of showing him how poor people live. They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family. On their return from their trip , the father asked his son , "How was the trip?"  "It was great , Dad."  "Did you see how poor people live?" the father asked. "Oh yeah , " said the son. "So , tell me , what did you learn from the trip?" asked the father. The son answered: "I saw that we have one dog and they had four. We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has no end. We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night. Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon. We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight. We have servants who serve us , but they serve others. We buy our food , but they grow theirs. We have walls around our property to protect us , they have friends to protect them."  The boy's father was speechless.  Ten his son added , "Thanks Dad for showing me how poor we are."  Isn't perspective a wonderful thing? Makes you wonder what would happen if we all gave thanks for everything we have, instead of worrying about what we don't have.  Appreciate every single thing you have, especially your friends!  "Life is too short and friends are too few."  Thanks Nancy Martin!

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Schulz Philosophy! The following is the philosophy of Charles Schulz, the creator of the 'Peanuts' comic strip. You don't have to actually answer the questions. Just read the e-mail straight through, and you'll get the point. 1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world. 2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners. 3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America pageant. 4. Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize. 5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winners for best actor and actress. 6. Name the last decade's worth of World Series winners. How did you do? The point is , none of us remember the headliners of yesterday. These are no second-rate achievers. They are the best in their fields. But the applause dies . . Awards tarnish. Achievements are forgotten. Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners. Here's another quiz. See how you do on this one: 1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school. 2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time. 3. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile. 4. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special!! 5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with. Easier? The lesson: The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the most credentials . . . . the most money...or the most awards. They simply are the ones who care the most. Pass this on to those people who have made a difference in your life, like I did. 'Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia !' ''Be Yourself. Everyone Else Is Taken!' Thank you Colleen!

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"Everyone concentrates on the problems we're having in this country lately: illegal immigration, hurricane recovery, alligators attacking people in Florida Not me. I concentrate on solutions for the problems. It's a win-win situation. Example? Dig a moat the length of the Mexican border. Send the dirt to New Orleans to raise the level of the levies. Put the Florida alligators in the moat along the Mexican border. Any other problems you would like for me to solve today ? Think about these: (1.) Cows, ( 2.) The Constitution, and ( 3.) The Ten Commandments C O W S - Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad cow epidemic our government could track a single cow, born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she slept in the state of Washington? And, they tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each of them a cow. T H E C O N S T I T U T I O N - They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq. Why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it has worked for over 200 years, and we're not using it anymore. T H E 1 0 C O M M A N D M E N T S The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse is this: You cannot post 'Thou Shalt Not Steal,' 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery,' and 'Thou Shall Not Lie' in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment. PART OF THE PROBLEM Also, Think about this: If you don't want to forward this for fear of offending someone -- YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM! It is Time for America to Speak up ! Yep, I passed it on! Author unknown. Thanks Barney!

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QUESTION! . . . . Here is my platform: Am I John McCain, Barack Obama, or Bill Cosby? (1) "Press 1 for English" is immediately banned. English is the official language; speak it or wait at the border until you can. (2) We will immediately go into a two year isolationist posture to straighten out the country's attitude. NO imports, no exports. We will use the 'Wal-Mart's policy, 'If we ain't got it, you don't need it.' (3) When imports are allowed, there will be a 100% import tax on it. (4) All retired military personnel will be required to man one of our many observation towers on the southern border. (six month tour) They will be under strict orders not to fire on SOUTHBOUND aliens. (5) Social security will immediately return to its original state. If you didn't put nuttin in, you ain't gettin nuttin out. The president nor any other politician will not be able to touch it. (6) Welfare - Checks will be handed out on Fridays at the end of the 40 hour school week and the successful completion of urinalysis and a passing grade. (7) Professional Athletes --Steroids - The FIRST time you check positive you're banned for life. (8) Crime - We will adopt the Turkish method, the first time you steal, you lose your right hand. There is no more life sentences. If convicted, you will be put to death by the same method you chose for your victim; gun, knife, strangulation, etc. (9) One export will be allowed; Wheat, The world needs to eat. A bushel of wheat will be the exact price of a barrel of oil. (10) All foreign aid using American taxpayer money will immediately cease, and the saved money will pay off the national debt and ultimately lower taxes. When disasters occur around the world, we'll ask the American people if they want to donate to a disaster fund, and each citizen can make the decision whether it's a worthy cause. (11) The Pledge of Allegiance will be said every day at school and every day in Congress. (12) The National Anthem will be played at all appropriate ceremonies, sporting events, outings, etc. Sorry if I stepped on anyone's toes but a vote for me will get you better than what you have, and better than what you're gonna get. Thanks for listening, and remember to write in my name on the ballot in November. God Bless America! Bill Cosby!!!!!!!!

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There was a Chemistry professor in a large college that had some exchange students in the class. One day while the class was in the lab the professor noticed one young man (exchange student) who kept rubbing his back, and stretching as if his back hurt.The professor asked the young man what was the matter. The student told him he had a bullet lodged in his back. He had been shot while fighting communists in his native country who were trying to overthrow his country's government and install a new communist government. In the midst of his story he looked at the professor and asked a strange question. He asked, 'Do you know how to catch wild pigs?' The professor thought it was a joke and asked for the punch line. The young man said this was no joke. 'You catch wild pigs by finding a suitable place in the woods and putting corn on the ground. The pigs find it and begin to come every day to eat the free corn. When they are used to coming every day, you put a fence down one side of the place where they are used to coming. When they get used to the fence, they begin to eat the corn again and you put up another side of the fence. They get used to that and start to eat again. You continue until you have all four sides of the fence up with a gate in the last side. The pigs, who are used to the free corn, start to come through the gate to eat, you slam the gate on them and catch the whole herd.Suddenly the wild pigs have lost their freedom. They run around and around inside the fence, but they are caught. Soon they go back to eating the free corn. They are so used to it that they have forgotten how to forage in the woods for themselves, so they accept their captivity. The young man then told the professor that is exactly what he sees happening to America . The government keeps pushing us toward socialism and keeps spreading the free corn out in the form of programs such as supplemental income, tax credit for unearned income, tobacco subsidies, dairy subsidies, payments not to plant crops (CRP), welfare, medicine, drugs, etc. while we continually lose our freedoms - just a little at a time.One should always remember: There is no such thing as a free lunch! Also, a politician will never provide a service for you cheaper than you can do it yourself. Also, if you see that all of this wonderful government 'help' is a problem confronting the future of democracy in America , you might want to tell this to your friends. If you think the free ride is essential to our way of life then you will probably delete this, but God help you when the gate slams shut! In this 'very important' election year, listen closely to what the candidates are promising you - just maybe you will be able to tell who is about to slam the gate on America. Think about this very carefully because: 'A government that is big enough to give you everything you want, is also big enough to take away everything you have.' - Thomas Jefferson Thanks Aunt Cleo!

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AGE BY WAL-MART STANDARDS! You are in the middle of some kind of project around the house mowing the lawn, putting a new fence in, painting theliving room, or whatever. You are hot and sweaty, covered in dirt or paint. You have your old work clothes on. You know the outfit - shorts with the hole in the crotch, old T-shirt with a stain from who knows what, and an old pair of tennis shoes. Right in the middle of this great home improvement project you realize you need to run to Wal-Mart to get something to help complete the job. Depending on your age you might do the following: In your 20's: Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow dry your hair, brush your teeth, floss, and put on clean clothes. Check yourself in the mirror and flex. Add a dab of your favorite cologne because you never know, you just might meet some hot chick while standing in the check-out lane. You went to school with the pretty girl running the register. In your 30's: Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt. Change shoes. You married the hot chick so no need for much else. Wash your hands and comb your hair. Check yourself in the mirror. Still got it. Add a shot of your favorite cologne to cover the smell. The cute girl running the register is the kid sister to someone you went to school with. In your 40's: Stop what you are doing. Put on a sweatshirt that is long enough to cover the hole in the crotch of your shorts. Put on different shoes and a hat. Wash your hands. Your bottle of Brute cologne is almost empty so you don't want to waste any of it on a trip to Wal-Mart. Check yourself in the mirror and do more sucking in than flexing. The spicy young thing running the register is your daughter's age and you feel weird thinking she is spicy. In your 50's: Stop what you are doing. Put a hat on, wipe the dirt off your hands on to your shirt. Change shoes because you don't want to get dirt in your new sports car. Check yourself in the mirror and you swear not to wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look fat. The cutie running the register smiles when she sees you coming and you think you still have it. Then you remember the hat you have on is from Buddy's Bait & Beer Bar and it says, 'I Got Worms.' In your 60's: Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat anymore. Hose the dog shit off your shoes. The mirror was shattered when you were in your 50's. You hope you have underwear on so nothing hangs out the hole in your pants. The girl running the register may be cute, but you don't have your glasses on so you are not sure. In your 70's: Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to Wal-Mart until they have your prescriptions ready, too. Don't even notice the dog shit on your shoes The young thing at the register smiles at you because you remind her of her grandfather. In your 80's: Stop what you are doing. Start again. Then stop again. Now you remember you needed to go to Wal-Mart. Go to Wal-Mart and wander around trying to think what it is you are looking for. Fart out loud and you think someone called out your name You went to school with the old lady who greeted you at the front door. Thanks to daughter Amanda!

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SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES - (1) If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat And presto, the blockage will be almost instantly removed. (2) Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing Vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away. (3) You can avoid arguments with the Mrs. About lifting The toilet seat just by using the sink. (4) For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself And bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use an egg timer. (5) A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button. (6) If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then you will be afraid to cough. (7) Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget all about the toothache. (8) Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are: In life, you only need two tools - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move but should, use the WD-40. If it should not move and does, use the duct tape. (9) Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them. (10) Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom! Thanks Sandra for the contribution!

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AND THEN THE FIGHT STARTED! When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive.... so, I took her to a gas station..... and then the fight started! After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too'! And then the fight started! My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked,' Do you know her?' 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.' 'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?' And then the fight started! I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... he was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!' So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?' And that's how the fight started! Thanks for the contribution Candace!

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OK! Here's the deal on the following story. I have received the following post from no less than six friends or family members in an e-mail. Some of you have probably already received it in your in-box too! Too good not to read it again! ---- One day I hopped in a taxi and we took off for the airport. We were driving in the right lane when suddenly a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us. My taxi driver slammed on his breaks, skidded, and missed the other car by just inches! The driver of the other car whipped his head around and started yelling at us. My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. And I mean he was really friendly. So I asked, "Why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!" This is when my taxi driver taught me what I now call, "The Law of the Garbage Truck." He explained that many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it and sometimes they'll dump it on you. Don't take it personally. Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. Don't take their garbage and spread it to other people at work, at home, or on the streets.The bottom line is that successful people do not let garbage trucks take over their day. Life's too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so... "Love the people who treat you right. Pray for the ones who don't." Life is ten percent what you make it and ninety percent how you take it!

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There once was a woman who woke up one morning, looked in the mirror, and noticed she had only three hairs on her head. 'Well,' she said, 'I think I'll braid my hair today.' So she did and she had a wonderful day.The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and saw that she had only two hairs on her head. 'H-M-M,' she said, 'I think I'll part my hair down the middle today.' So she did and she had a grand day.The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that she had only one hair on her head. 'Well,' she said, 'today I'm going to wear my hair in a pony tail.' So she did, and she had a fun, fun day. The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that there wasn't a single hair on her head. 'YAY!' she exclaimed. 'I don't have to fix my hair today!' Attitude is everything. Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle. Live simply, Love generously, Care deeply, Speak kindly . . . . Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain. Special thanks to Gloria Walck in Battle Ground, WA!

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A group of graduates, well established in their careers, were talking at a reunion and decided to go visit their old university professor, now retired. During their visit, the conversation turned to complaints about stress in their work and lives. Offering his guests hot chocolate, the professor went into the kitchen and returned with a large pot of hot chocolate and an assortment of cups - porcelain, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite - telling them to help themselves to the hot chocolate. When they all had a cup of hot chocolate in hand, the professor said: 'Notice that all the nice looking; expensive cups were taken, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress. The cup that you're drinking from adds nothing to the quality of the hot chocolate. In most cases it is just more expensive and in some cases even hides what we drink. What all of you really wanted was hot chocolate, not the cup; but you consciously went for the best cups... And then you began eyeing each other's cups.Now consider this: Life is the hot chocolate; your job, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain life. The cup you have does not define, nor change the quality of life you have. Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the hot chocolate. The happiest people don't have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything that they have. Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly . . . And enjoy your hot chocolate. Special thanks to Rob Lowe, good friend in Brush Prarie, WA.

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Human Body Trivia! . . . . The human body is a machine that is full of wonder. This collection of human body facts will leave you wondering why in the heck we were designed the way we were. 1. Scientists say the higher your I.Q. the more you dream.2. The largest cell in the human body is the female egg. 3. The smallest is the male sperm. 4. You use 200 muscles to take one step. 5. The average woman is 5 inches shorter than the average man. 6. Your big toes have two bones each while the rest have three. 7. A pair of human feet contain 250,000 sweat glands. 8. A full bladder is roughly the size of a soft ball. 9. The acid in your stomach is strong enough to dissolve razor blades. 10. The human brain cell can hold five times as much information as the Encyclopedia Britannica. 11. It takes food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach. 12. The average human dream lasts 2-3 seconds. 13. Men without hair on their chests are more likely to get cirrhosis of the liver than men with hair. 14. At the moment of conception, you spent about half an hour as a single cell. 15. There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet. 16. Your body gives off enough heat in 30 minutes to bring half a gallon of water to a boil. 17. The enamel in your teeth is the hardest substance in your body. 18. Your teeth start developing (in your gums) 6 months before you are born. 19. When you are looking at someone you love, your pupils dilate, they do the same when you are looking at someone you hate. 20. Blondes have more hair than dark-haired people. 21. Your thumb is the same length as your nose. 22. At this very moment I know full well you are putting this last fact to the test ... now remove your thumb from your nose and pass this on to the friends you think might be interested in comparing their thumbs to their noses as well. You did it -- I KNOW you did!!!!! Thanks to Ken Behrens of Ridgefield, WA – long-time friend.